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People Who Just Disappear (Go Missing)

... It was Laing, I think, who said that all people are invisible to each other. ...

Here are the (probably) most relevant passages ...
"My experience of you" is just another form of words for "you-as-l-experience-you", and "your experience of me" equals "me-as-you-experience-me". Your experience of me is not inside you and my experience of you is not inside me, but your experience of me is invisible to me and my experience of you is invisible to you. ...

I cannot experience your experience. You cannot experience my experience. We are both invisible men. All men are invisible to one another. ...
- R. D. Laing, The Politics of Experience, Chapter 1
 
I suspect that this inability to truly know another person - however close you are to them - is at the heart of many a mystery.

I think R. D. Laing is pretty unfashionable these days, but he said some things on this aspect of the human experience that have always stuck with me, and which I believe to be true. He wrote that we experience other people's behaviour - not their experience - but we allow ourselves to believe that behaviour and experience are synonymous and interchangeable things, when they are separate elements which do not necessarily bear a close relationship.

It was Laing, I think, who said that all people are invisible to each other. My own view is that we are not exactly invisible - but, at best, we only really see each other through steamed up windows. I think one of the paradoxes of human relationships is that if we accept that we don't know people at all, then we will know them better.
We also only see the version of anyone that they are projecting. And depressed people can project as happy, introverts can project as extroverts, people will terrible lives can project as contented, devil-may-care.

We are all hiding from one another, in various ways.
 
I was thinking mostly of the parents who are full of 'he had everything to live for, he wasn't depressed, he was happy and cheerful and would absolutely NEVER have chosen suicide.'

So so many of them are deluding themselves.
I dunno. I think there's other things at play if a teenager/young adult is suicidal or depressed - they would be liable to hide it from their parents, and (boys in particular) put up a front. The parent maybe can only take them at face value. A young bloke I knew committed suicide at the start of the pandemic - he was in his early 30s, so not a teen - but my husband had worked and spent a lot of time with him in the preceding months, was like a father figure to him, and adored him - and said he didn't pick up a thing, not a clue. This man had had a struggle in life, but in the past several years had everything going for him - after a few years unemployed or struggling to break into a career he'd ended up hating, he had his dream job, a new wife, his own house - everything going for him. He just waited til his wife popped out for half an hour and killed himself.

We also had mutual friends, one of whom was a colleague of his in his dream job. She shared a small office with him so knew him well. She told me she was stunned, as well - as were all his colleagues. Nobody had even picked up the faintest hint he was depressed.

His family and inlaws, the same, we heard. It seemed totally out of the blue. His wife found him. Can you imagine just popping down the road for a mundane reason, coming home to find that? She had no idea he was even contemplating it. People close to suicides frequently do genuinely think "He's got everything going for him... he seems happy ... he's the last person that would do that." It's not delusion on the part of the loved ones, it's genuine.
 
I dunno. I think there's other things at play if a teenager/young adult is suicidal or depressed - they would be liable to hide it from their parents, and (boys in particular) put up a front. The parent maybe can only take them at face value. A young bloke I knew committed suicide at the start of the pandemic - he was in his early 30s, so not a teen - but my husband had worked and spent a lot of time with him in the preceding months, was like a father figure to him, and adored him - and said he didn't pick up a thing, not a clue. This man had had a struggle in life, but in the past several years had everything going for him - after a few years unemployed or struggling to break into a career he'd ended up hating, he had his dream job, a new wife, his own house - everything going for him. He just waited til his wife popped out for half an hour and killed himself.

We also had mutual friends, one of whom was a colleague of his in his dream job. She shared a small office with him so knew him well. She told me she was stunned, as well - as were all his colleagues. Nobody had even picked up the faintest hint he was depressed.

His family and inlaws, the same, we heard. It seemed totally out of the blue. His wife found him. Can you imagine just popping down the road for a mundane reason, coming home to find that? She had no idea he was even contemplating it. People close to suicides frequently do genuinely think "He's got everything going for him... he seems happy ... he's the last person that would do that." It's not delusion on the part of the loved ones, it's genuine.
This is absolutely true too. There are as many different types of suicide as there are suicides. I was really referring to those cases where, on reading up about the character and personality and life of the person afterwards, you realise that there's a high chance that this person took their own life. But the parents (or other immediate family) maintain that they had no reason to do such a thing, because of guilt or denial, or just plain not noticing.
 
Stories such as the following bother me (similar to stories on this board of sudden urges towards self-destruction apparently imposed from outside oneself):

From Mystery Animals of Britain and Ireland by Graham J. McEwan, p173:

The incident occurred at a very old farm known as Devil's House on Wallasea Island, among the marshes bordering the River Crouch in Essex. The house had long been reputed to be haunted. On one occasion a labourer working in one of the barns heard his name called several times and felt a sensation of coldness creep over him, followed by an overwhelming urge to kill himself. In a trance he picked up a length of rope and, fastening one end round his neck, he walked towards a ladder, intending to fasten the other end to a beam. He heard the voice say, 'Do it, do it, do it,' and looking up saw a hideous ape-like creature crouching on one of the beams. It was thin and black and had bright yellow eyes. The sight of it so shocked the man that he awoke from his trance and he fled from the barn.

It's bad enough battling one's internal demons without having to deal with stuff like this...
 
The incident occurred at a very old farm known as Devil's House on Wallasea Island, among the marshes bordering the River Crouch in Essex. The house had long been reputed to be haunted.

"...a strange building known alternatively as Tyle Barn, Tyle House … or The Devil’s House.

During the early years of World War 2 came one of the most disturbing stories of all. A farm labourer was working on the site, when he heard his name being called, and then the words “do it, do it”. He went to a nearby barn, collected a length of rope, and went into the house, where he threw the rope over a beam, preparing to hang himself. Suddenly he found a terrifying creature staring down at him. He described it as a black shape with large, glowing yellow eyes. Fortunately the sighting of this strange being shook him out of his morbid reverie.

The house was bombed during the War, but would finally meet its end during the devastating storms of 1953, when on the night of 31 January the North Sea Flood killed hundreds of people along the East Coast of England and Scotland, as well as Holland and Belgium. The Devil’s House was swept out to sea in the carnage. It is said that the marshes in the area have now inherited the dark reputation of the Devil’s House."

https://sjhstrangetales.wordpress.com/2017/03/13/the-devils-house-wallasea-island/

Devils-House-Wallasea-Fortean.jpg


Central building: 51° 35' 53" N, 0° 51' 03" E

maximus otter
 
"...a strange building known alternatively as Tyle Barn, Tyle House … or The Devil’s House.

During the early years of World War 2 came one of the most disturbing stories of all. A farm labourer was working on the site, when he heard his name being called, and then the words “do it, do it”. He went to a nearby barn, collected a length of rope, and went into the house, where he threw the rope over a beam, preparing to hang himself. Suddenly he found a terrifying creature staring down at him. He described it as a black shape with large, glowing yellow eyes. Fortunately the sighting of this strange being shook him out of his morbid reverie.

The house was bombed during the War, but would finally meet its end during the devastating storms of 1953, when on the night of 31 January the North Sea Flood killed hundreds of people along the East Coast of England and Scotland, as well as Holland and Belgium. The Devil’s House was swept out to sea in the carnage. It is said that the marshes in the area have now inherited the dark reputation of the Devil’s House."

https://sjhstrangetales.wordpress.com/2017/03/13/the-devils-house-wallasea-island/

Devils-House-Wallasea-Fortean.jpg


Central building: 51° 35' 53" N, 0° 51' 03" E

maximus otter
Excellent! Thanks for that... I did a desultory Google search to try to find the place but soon gave up...
 
I dunno. I think there's other things at play if a teenager/young adult is suicidal or depressed - they would be liable to hide it from their parents, and (boys in particular) put up a front. The parent maybe can only take them at face value. A young bloke I knew committed suicide at the start of the pandemic - he was in his early 30s, so not a teen - but my husband had worked and spent a lot of time with him in the preceding months, was like a father figure to him, and adored him - and said he didn't pick up a thing, not a clue. This man had had a struggle in life, but in the past several years had everything going for him - after a few years unemployed or struggling to break into a career he'd ended up hating, he had his dream job, a new wife, his own house - everything going for him. He just waited til his wife popped out for half an hour and killed himself.

We also had mutual friends, one of whom was a colleague of his in his dream job. She shared a small office with him so knew him well. She told me she was stunned, as well - as were all his colleagues. Nobody had even picked up the faintest hint he was depressed.

His family and inlaws, the same, we heard. It seemed totally out of the blue. His wife found him. Can you imagine just popping down the road for a mundane reason, coming home to find that? She had no idea he was even contemplating it. People close to suicides frequently do genuinely think "He's got everything going for him... he seems happy ... he's the last person that would do that." It's not delusion on the part of the loved ones, it's genuine.
Growing up in an unhappy home, I know the feeling - clinical depression and suicidal thoughts for years on end can suddenly tilt over the edge, just the thought of dealing with one more day becomes overwhelming.
 
I cant find it either.

Has the island changed a lot over the years?
 
I dunno. I think there's other things at play if a teenager/young adult is suicidal or depressed - they would be liable to hide it from their parents, and (boys in particular) put up a front. The parent maybe can only take them at face value. A young bloke I knew committed suicide at the start of the pandemic - he was in his early 30s, so not a teen - but my husband had worked and spent a lot of time with him in the preceding months, was like a father figure to him, and adored him - and said he didn't pick up a thing, not a clue. This man had had a struggle in life, but in the past several years had everything going for him - after a few years unemployed or struggling to break into a career he'd ended up hating, he had his dream job, a new wife, his own house - everything going for him. He just waited til his wife popped out for half an hour and killed himself.

We also had mutual friends, one of whom was a colleague of his in his dream job. She shared a small office with him so knew him well. She told me she was stunned, as well - as were all his colleagues. Nobody had even picked up the faintest hint he was depressed.

His family and inlaws, the same, we heard. It seemed totally out of the blue. His wife found him. Can you imagine just popping down the road for a mundane reason, coming home to find that? She had no idea he was even contemplating it. People close to suicides frequently do genuinely think "He's got everything going for him... he seems happy ... he's the last person that would do that." It's not delusion on the part of the loved ones, it's genuine.
So true. Have had experience of this.
People do hide their depression and also, when they decide to kill themselves they can become calm and mellow.
So even someone who's been in an obviously dangerous state of mind for a while might seem relaxed and sociable. Their families stop worrying.
Then - gone. :(
 
Growing up in an unhappy home, I know the feeling - clinical depression and suicidal thoughts for years on end can suddenly tilt over the edge, just the thought of dealing with one more day becomes overwhelming.
It's really ok - if those who are depressed can just hang on, get lots of sunlight, get out of the house with friends, have some fun, volunteer at a hospital or animal sanctuary or hospice to help others, eat well, get to the doctor for some vitamins, find a good therapist and a fun job, stop brooding and focusing on yourself, things do get better. Takes time and effort, but it works.
 
It's really ok - if those who are depressed can just hang on, get lots of sunlight, get out of the house with friends, have some fun, volunteer at a hospital or animal sanctuary or hospice to help others, eat well, get to the doctor for some vitamins, find a good therapist and a fun job, stop brooding and focusing on yourself, things do get better. Takes time and effort, but it works.
'if those who are depressed can just hang on, get lots of sunlight etc' - they can't. They are depressed. It's not a thing they can shake off.
 
It's really ok - if those who are depressed can just hang on, get lots of sunlight, get out of the house with friends, have some fun, volunteer at a hospital or animal sanctuary or hospice to help others, eat well, get to the doctor for some vitamins, find a good therapist and a fun job, stop brooding and focusing on yourself, things do get better. Takes time and effort, but it works.
As someone who deals with doctor diagnosed and treated depression, it is not so simple. Depression can drain both the will and the energy to do any/all of the above. When I am down, just walking out to the street in front of my house can take all my energy.
 
I think everyone, including the police were.
From what I saw on the news this evening, it appeared that when found, Cleo was in good health and had been well fed for during her time away from her family.
There were now specialist police teams on their way to the town of Carnarvon to begin the long process of finding out exactly what happened to her and why.

An Australian man has pleaded guilty to abducting four-year-old Cleo Smith and holding her at his home for 18 days.

Cleo vanished from her family's tent last October while on a camping trip in Western Australia, sparking a huge search that gripped the country.

Police later found her at a stranger's house in her hometown of Carnarvon, a short drive from the campsite.

_122957223_gettyimages-1236357433.jpg


Terence Darrell Kelly, 36, admitted a charge of child stealing to a magistrate on Monday.

He was remanded in custody to face the Perth District Court in March, and is expected to be sentenced at a later date.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-60107053

maximus otter
 
As someone who deals with doctor diagnosed and treated depression, it is not so simple. Depression can drain both the will and the energy to do any/all of the above. When I am down, just walking out to the street in front of my house can take all my energy.
My retired counsellor friend dealt with depression related clients all the time. In a lot of cases of depression, people could do nothing at all. It was only after some recovery through counselling or the use of meds that they were able to make small steps. It took a lot of time for some. It must be a pretty dreadful burden on partners as well, particularly if they have no understanding of the illness.
 
It's really ok - if those who are depressed can just hang on, get lots of sunlight, get out of the house with friends, have some fun, volunteer at a hospital or animal sanctuary or hospice to help others, eat well, get to the doctor for some vitamins, find a good therapist and a fun job, stop brooding and focusing on yourself, things do get better. Takes time and effort, but it works.
You see, I'd say that, by the time you can do any of these things, you are already on the road out of depression. So it may be a slightly self-fulfilling prophecy.

Saying that, I do know someone who has a tendency to slide towards depression and can now head off the worst of it by getting outside as much as possible in the early stages. But it's taken years of experiencing some really dark days to learn this.
 
You see, I'd say that, by the time you can do any of these things, you are already on the road out of depression. So it may be a slightly self-fulfilling prophecy.
Also, as I've mentioned, a person who can act more positively might have taken the decision to end their life. It seems to feel like a burden lifting.
 
You see, I'd say that, by the time you can do any of these things, you are already on the road out of depression. So it may be a slightly self-fulfilling prophecy.

Saying that, I do know someone who has a tendency to slide towards depression and can now head off the worst of it by getting outside as much as possible in the early stages. But it's taken years of experiencing some really dark days to learn this.
This is how it is for me. If I spot the start of the slide, I can do things to help. If I don’t, then it all comes crashing down and can take ages for me to get back on track.
 
But did we turn to adults for support? We did not. This is entirely typical of how kids deal with abuse and neglect.

I never mentioned my abuse to my parents, but boy did I make them pay for it!!! They should have been there to protect me was my reasoning, but they weren't and so, deep down, psychologically speaking they were to blame. I was a teenaged monster I really was. I repaired my relationship with them over many years, but I never told them the cause of my behavior, they're both passed now so they'll never know, and I'm glad they won't.
 
RE: Richard Morris

Update ...

The initial inquest resulted in the cause of death being "unascertained" and the inquest adjourned until June 2021.

FULL STORY: https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-hampshire-54264439


This apparently updated September 2020 article claims the inquest was delayed past June 2021.

SOURCE: https://www.strangeoutdoors.com/mysterious-stories-blog/richard-morris

Inquest now going ahead.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-hampshire-60380118

The story so far is a familiar and sad one.
 
Stories such as the following bother me (similar to stories on this board of sudden urges towards self-destruction apparently imposed from outside oneself):

From Mystery Animals of Britain and Ireland by Graham J. McEwan, p173:



It's bad enough battling one's internal demons without having to deal with stuff like this...
The marshlands / tidal areas of Essex are extremely spooky, especially in a fog. I remember visiting St Peter's at Bradwell

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chapel_of_St_Peter-on-the-Wall

With my wife in a mist. Everywhere outside seemed to be freezing but inside the (unheated, stone) church it was warm and comforting. One of those memorable - not to say somewhat disturbing - events that mark a few days in one's life with a white stone. Back then the church was left unlocked - wonder if that's still true?
 
I've always had an interest these cases.
Very few well documented ones fall into truly inexplicable category.

There's three main factos

1) Foul play - getting harder to trace these due to the amount of online predators.

2) Self choice - had enough and went off somewhere new or suicide.

3) Mineshafts, caves, crevices, Wild animals. Nature essentially.

Most have at least a whiff of the above and its likely impossible to rule them out.

Can anyone think of a modern case, in the age of cctv and camera phones, where someone literally vanished?
 
How about this one, on the news yesterday

Leah Croucher was last seen on CCTV in February 2019 in Milton Keynes, then disappeared without a trace.
There seems to be some idea she was involved with a married man. He's been repeatedly interviewed and cleared but it's still a bit suss.

A witness claimed to have seen a young girl in a car being badly treated around the time she vanished. It's a bit vague though.

https://www.miltonkeynes.co.uk/news...croucher-disappeared-in-milton-keynes-3382123
 
How about this one, on the news yesterday

Leah Croucher was last seen on CCTV in February 2019 in Milton Keynes, then disappeared without a trace.
Could have sworn I'd already posted about her. Looks like I'm mistaken.

When she first went missing I'd see posters at Milton Keynes station. Her family were determined to keep her in the public mind.
Leah's brother sadly killed himself less than a year after her disappearance. What a terrible tragedy all round.
 
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