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Worst Movie EVER?

Excuse me, but..

..why has no-one mentioned Ken Russell yet? Tommy, I like. The Devils has a certain brio. Women in Love is good, too, and I actually like The Music Lovers. As for the rest of his canon...

For me, one of the worst films I ever saw (and indeed walked out of the cinema) was Toys (yep, R Williams again) - pity, cos I quite like Williams, actually, I just despair of his choices of movie role.

Stu
 
What about everyone's favourite jumbo jet flying Scientoligist John Travolta and the dreadful Battlefield Earth.
Humans after 1000 years of alien conquest have been reduced virtually to cavemen but still manage to learn how to fly Harrier jumpjets in 7 days. Oh yeah, the Harriers have been sat around in a big hangar for 1000 years but they are still in pristine condition.
 
Ours is not to reason why, ours is to follow blindly the beliefs of a deluded scientific rationalist who's movement has been hijacked by Mammon obsessive Californian Lawyers onto a good thing.

I'll take my Subpaeona in the drawingroom, Smithers...

:)
 
Originally posted by Zygon
Starring Sonny Barger....
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The reason they hired Barger for Hell's Angels on Wheels wasn't because he was an actor, but because he was

[Emp edit: Something went wrong here and something got corrupted and made a mess - no big deal and I've tidied it up but soemthing is missing.]

 
Nu Met Fijftig Procent Korting!

TorgosPizza said:
The answer for the worst two films of all time are Roadhouse and Carrot Top's Chairman of the Board. Having said that, in CotB, I love the scene where Mr. Top kisses Courtney Thorne-Smith. Regardless of her acting ability, she can't hide her distaste and disdain for him. You can see her thinking, "This will pay off my car."

Carrot Top makes Yahoo Serious look like Olivier. He is that pathetic; then, he is a prop comedian, after all.
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Sorry, Carrot Top not even a blip on the long range scanner Torgos. CotB must have been a staight to video release over here.

Courtney Thorne-Smith? She hasn't been in Buffy, or even Angel. Mind she was in a Duckman episode! Kudos points there.:)
 
Cape Fear, the 1991(?) remake.

Who do I sue to get two hours of my life back?
 
Thirteen Ghosts - absolutely awful and boring.

I agree that The Blair Witch Project was bad too, what was that ending all about? Very strange. :nah: :confused:

Castaway - the only good bit was when he lost Wilson over the side of the raft, very sad :sad:
 
James Whitehead said:
I'd second Oll's suggestion that Eyes Wide Shut was quite astonishingly
terrible.

But then all of Kubrick's works would go in the skip, if I was cleaning out the
archives. Except possibly The Killing and Day of the Fight.............The Clockwork Orange at least dramatizes its own case - an emetic exercise in
aversion therapy. In the skip with it, ultrafast, my brothers..........................Then Full Metal Jacket, which is blackly funny in its training camp scenes. The Vietnam
bits have Made in England written all over them...........................................What's at the bottom of the barrel? Bloody Lolita with that turd-faced James
Mason perving away. Bin and wash hands.................Sorted. Next week, I will not be looking at the collected works of Oliver
Bleeding Stone. Good night. :eek!!!!:
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I am pissing myself at this post: genius!

It's so true that Kubrick failed to disguise the fact that the two films he directed after about 1979 were made in England (cos he refused to leave the country). The war-torn town scenes in Full Metal Jacket were filmed at Battersea power station, and boy does it show.

And by the time of Eyes Wide Shut, Kubrick had obviously forgotten what the USA looks like: all the buildings, streets, fixtures and fittings are characteristically British. You might not imagine this would be a problem, but it just doesn't *feel* right.

Meanwhile, Kubrick's 'unique' take on sexual intercourse crops up again in the latter movie: so stylised and bizarrre, with the women rigid, closed-legged and barbie-dollesque, while the men remain clothed (at an orgy) for no obvious reason.

Although that film could have been a whole lot better if they'd followed conventional wisdom and completed the script before the shot the movie.....
 
Worst film I've ever seen is .... this one. I caught it after a few beers late at night years ago and had me in stitches. I think it's Australian as it has various actors from Home and Away in it (before they were in the aforementioned pile of cack) and stars George "Worst of the Bonds, done nothing since" Lazenby in a dodgy tache. It had an exciting car chase and a wacky professor in it. And at the very beginning, it showed clips of what was going to happen in the rest of the film! Thank God that little trend died out.
Sometimes I play "guess the age of the movie", and I overestimated this one by a good fifteen years.
 
Originally posted by Caroline
Because Torgos you weren't paying attention.
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Next tme, please PM me or something, Caroline! This is my favorite kind of "mainstream" thread, and it astounds me I overlooked it for two months (or whatever).

Point Break was bad. Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves portray surfer policemen, sort of a pre-Hasselhoffian attempt at filling the void only Baywatch could master.

Anyone seen 8 Mile? Eminem plays a white-trash rapper; essentially, a bio-pic.
 
If we're doing Patrick Swayze films, what about Roadhouse? Awful stuff.

I may have said this previously, but What Dreams May Come offended me to the core. As did City Of Angels. I'm still pissed off for having wasted so much of my life on those two. :mad:
 
Can i ask if anyone has seen "Portrait of a lady" with Nicole Kidman and John Malkovich? Its directed by the wifie that did "The Piano", which i really liked but POAL is so far up its own arse that it was 2 hours of my life that actually made me think about watching any form of moving image at all. It really was so bad i thought about giving up all forms of televisual viewing so i wouldnt have to contend with the possibility of losing some of my finite lifetime to shite like this.
Also Toys (which i watched as a 12/13 year old) was so bad that i knew it sucked even then.
 
This Film was bad I'd rather have to watch Batman and RObin 20 times over than this but it is definately want to see for a Head F#*k. 'Baby'

heres the plot Nutty mum and two trollop daughters raise a grown man up all his life as a baby and tell the social services hes got brain damage but really they cattle prod him every time he does do any thing.
Social worker buries family under swimming pool, only to take the grown man baby home for her brain damaged husband (who every one thinks is dead and also is a grown baby) to play with.

any one seen that.
also any Russ meyer films or films with a music video in them.
Oh The Jerk, Bachelor Party GOD where Do all these Crappy films come from? who makes them? why? when? is it people like us watching them only to slag them off.
 
Surprised no-one's mentioned FreeJack with Mick Jagger reading the script from a book. Well, that's what is sounded like. I managed the first five minutes and had to turn it off. It was DIRE!!!
 
Well, with one or two exceptions, any film having Emilio estevez in it is a guarantee of shite. Which is a shame because his father is one of my favourite actors and has been in 2 of my favourite films. (Apocalypse Now and Badlands)
 
Demon Avenger said:
This Film was bad I'd rather have to watch Batman and RObin 20 times over than this but it is definately want to see for a Head F#*k. 'Baby'

heres the plot Nutty mum and two trollop daughters raise a grown man up all his life as a baby and tell the social services hes got brain damage but really they cattle prod him every time he does do any thing.
Social worker buries family under swimming pool, only to take the grown man baby home for her brain damaged husband (who every one thinks is dead and also is a grown baby) to play with.

any one seen that.
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You're not talking about SONNY BOY, are you? If so, then yes. One of the worst movies ever made. EVER.

http://us.imdb.com/Title?0100661
 
I actually loved AI and especially Bladerunner, but each to their own, I suppose.

The TV show Mystery Science Theatre showed some wonderful examples of the genre -- most notably Space Mutiny, a Canadian Battlestar Galactica rip-off filmed in some sort of warehouse (comment: "doesn't the spaceship get kind of heavy with such a huge basement") with a Lorne Greene-alike in a stick-on beard; and Riding with Death, about a spy (Alias Smith and Jones' Ben Murphy) who can turn invisible for up to 15 minutes per day. The film was actually two TV episodes welded together. Badly.

Wet-your-pants funny, though. Er, allegedly.
 
God is a Martian!

I've just got to mention, Red Planet Mars (1952).

This one's in a class by itself.

God sends radio messages from Mars. Evil ex-Nazi scientist, now working for the Commies, subverts the signals to destroy the Land Of The Free.

God retunes and save the day by transmitting the Sermon On the Mount. Hurrah!:D
 
I like Bladerunner too, but only without the voiceover and happy ending.

The only time I saw Battlefield Earth was at high speed apart from the really silly bits - hilarious (and free).

Truly awful film I regret wasting part of my life on?

How about The Green Berets - a John Wayne Vietnam war film?
 
Orbyn said:
The TV show Mystery Science Theatre showed some wonderful examples of the genre
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MST3K (as we geeks call it) was always a must watch show and one of the funniest things on tv.
 
Worst movies I've ever seen are Batman [the "new" one with Michael Keaton] and EXistenZ, which made me puke after about 30 seconds.

And just for the record I happen to quite like The Phantom Menace, I HATE Jar Jar Binks, but the film itself wasn't too bad, 'specially the lightsaber duel ...
 
'Renegades', with Kiefer Sutherland and Lou Diamond Phillips. Or indeed, 'The Cowboy Way' with said Sutherland too. I really like Kiefer Sutherland, but those films are just a bit too rubbish even for me to stomach I'm afraid. He does make good ones too though... honest :rolleyes:
 
Originally posted by Adrian Veidt
MST3K (as we geeks call it) was always a must watch show and one of the funniest things on tv.
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Head writer (and host, once Joel left) mike Nelson is one of the funniest people on the planet. If you ever get the chance, check out these essays of his:

http://www.ironminds.com/ironminds/issues/991129/dreams.shtml

http://www.ironminds.com/ironminds/issues/991210/dreams.shtml

http://www.ironminds.com/ironminds/issues/000104/thescreen.shtml

http://www.ironminds.com/ironminds/issues/000207/dreams.shtml

http://www.ironminds.com/ironminds/issues/000223/dreams.shtml
 
it was a dark and (not very) stormy night

and i was up watching *invasion of the body snatchers*, a fine fil if ever i saw one. when it was done, i flipped channels and saw:
the thin grey line, possibly the boring, overlong and oversentimental piece of american irish baiting comedy i've ever seen. so i went out to see the sun rise.
 
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